Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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