wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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