We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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