I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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