Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize