but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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