Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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