It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
dude. I can hear the air.
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