He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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