i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
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We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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