oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
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Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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