Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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