There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
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you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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