im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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