I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize