I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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