My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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