I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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