I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
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She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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