maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
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I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
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I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize