you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
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He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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