wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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