i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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