Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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