There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dick very happy bro
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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