When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize