I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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