I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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