Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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