Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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