things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
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can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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