It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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