i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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