you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize