god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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