What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize