Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize