I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize