don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize