im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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