Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sext me about skeletons
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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