I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize