is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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