Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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