If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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