just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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