I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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