I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
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How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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