dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
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I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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