If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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